True love conquers fear, forgives wrong, and is the greatest thing of all. It is what we, as humans, search for most of our lives. And, in our search we discover that it is what the world needs most. Then, why are we the way we are if (as the Beatles sang) all we need is love? Isn’t that an easy fix to the world’s problems as well as our own?
One might think so, however, true love is not easy. For you see, in reality we love others the way we love ourselves. And, most have a difficult time of genuinely loving themselves. Believe it or not, at one time, I faced that struggle as well.
There was a time in my younger years when I loved out of selfish motives. I had a desire to be loved and looked for ways to receive that from others. No matter how much my parents, family, friends, and husband would tell me they loved me, I had a difficult time believing that because I did not love myself. I would graciously accept their words with a doubt-infested mindset. Thinking they were not true words, I would create ways to win approval or affection which to me equaled love. This codependent behavior not only brought hardship on me but it also overwhelmed those I was trying so desperately to please.
One day while going out of my way to please a family member, I had failed in my futile attempt and felt the weight of disapproval as it loomed heavily over my shoulders. I asked in a very sincere demeanor what could I do to please them. It was the words that she spoke next that made a huge impact. In her earnest way of trying to get me to believe in me, she said, “I just want you to be yourself.” No one had ever expressed that to me before as they were willing to accept my labors for their own advantages. Befuddled by her words I replied, “I don’t know who that is.”
Though it took some time later to break free from a bondage of low self-esteem and loss of identity, that conversation was a pivotal turning point for me. I began to go in search of who “Angela” truly was and her purpose in life. Knowing there had to be more than what I had settled for, I never looked back as I ran forward towards a life of freedom and true love.
Learning to love who you are can be difficult, however, when you start, you will find that you can easily love others regardless of who they are or who they have settled to be. You worry less about what others think of you as you take risks to grow more and more each day into that unique person you are destined to become. Though you still experience emotional pain from relational hurt, you realize that all humans are “works” in progress and love can make the load of grief lighter and the labor of forgiveness easier.
I often reflect over the passage found in 1Corinthians 13, which Keith and I had read in our wedding ceremony thirty-eight years ago. Through these profound words, I remind myself of who I want to be and how I desire to love. May you find insight and wisdom within its counsel as well. Here’s to not settling for less than the real you. True love can bring real change to you and to the world around you. Your labors of love will never be in vain. Stand firm. It’s a good time to be you!
Peace and Joy,
Coach Angela